I am a coiner of aphorisms
One of my favorites is:
“Wonderful capacity. Terrible default setting.”
The first time I used it was counseling my nephew about a job interview
His capacity to inflate himself would come in handy
But be perilous if it was all he brought to the conversation
I knew, as I said it, it was going to stick
And I’ve returned to it again and again
Empathy is a wonderful capacity
As a default setting, we get lost in others’ experience.
Drive is a wonderful capacity
As a default setting, it bypasses satisfaction and leads to burnout
Recognizing our own faults is a wonderful capacity
But as a default setting it is grueling and self-eroding
We’re naturally multidimensional
And it is a disservice to ourselves and others to rely on a single mode of being.
No matter how well we think it works for us
Cross-training is an excellent physical example we would do well to apply more broadly
When my daughter injured her ACL and the doctors recommended surgery
A gifted physical therapist told us:
“The way she moves is centered on her strengths, which led to the injury.
Get the surgery without changing the pattern, she’ll have the same problem again
What she needs is strength and flexibility through her full range of motion”
She had been playing to her strengths
And who could blame her for that default setting
But without fully tended foundations
Those strengths were going to collapse
And so we postponed the surgery to develop her capacity
And she never needed the surgery
In fact, instead of being on the injured list that season
She ended up winning conference honors.
With “strength and flexibility through the full range of motion”
Rotating our capacities as appropriate
Becomes our default setting
Responsive to the moment
Harnessing the fullness of what we’ve done before
To apply it in a responsive and sometimes new way
This isn’t just a physical ideal
It applies broadly to our lives
It doesn’t diminish our strengths
It supports them, and makes them sustainable, and gives us range
When our focus becomes too narrow, too repetitive, too default
Important things are left to atrophy
Reducing the ground that supports us
Even if we really enjoy relying on our favorite strategies
(they’re so comforting)
(Hollywood loves a good formula)
But life is a broader spectrum
And every moment asks me to meet it anew
Even if I’ve gotten into a habit of responding as if today were a repeat of yesterday
And I want to repeat the trick that got the most applause
I mean, it’s a wonderful capacity, but a terrible default setting
And as I notice how many subtle defaults I employ every day
I’m trying to appreciate them, and invite them backstage
To the raucous afterparty
Where I never know what is going to happen next.
